From Pay Phones to Boarding Passes: An Obsolete, Yet Magical ‘Home Alone’

‘Tis the season for endless marathons of such films like ‘Love Actually,’ (I watch it year-round and adore the octopus-clad ‘we are here’ boy) ‘Christmas Story,’ (which I’ve never seen — remember, not from America) and of course — Chris Columbus’ amazing masterpiece ‘Home Alone.’

The film’s characters, created by teen angst and movie maker maestro John Hughes, truly show the family dynamics and how so many of these immortalized personas are even part of our own situations. Overwhelmed parental units, clueless kids and bossy older siblings are a super common sight on most households indeed.

In my mishpachah, I was often the child that exploded during family affairs, so I’ll always have a soft spot for Kev. But with that said, I never understood how this precocious child got away from bandits, saved his house and managed to have it SPOTLESS by Christmas morning — gotta love the magic of movies, right?

But let’s be ‘frank’ — the 1990s were a completely different time (in some cases, it even feels like an epoch) and many of the occurrences would clearly not fly in today’s wireless, social media obsessed society which is also filled with a lot more airport security and dietary restrictions.

Let’s analyze a few of my favorite outdated highlights:

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Wet Passports and Boarding Passes: This scene is fun, yet super dated. I mean, who has passports lying around and boarding passes with its correct envelopes. I haven’t seen one of those since probably 1994, as most people now check-in in advance or opt for paperless boarding passes.

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Selfie Nation: We know none of this would fly in today’s tech obsessed world. This selfie would have been plastered all over Twitter, Facebook and Instagram — as Kevin McCallister would most likely be keeping track of the crooks with a tablet and GPS technology.

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The Old Days of TSA: We’ve either all done it or fantasized running through a mayor U.S. airport to catch a flight, but this scene (at least in 2013 standards) is purely obsolete. I mean, now you gotta take off the shoes, coat, computer and all your carry-on wonders (including toiletries) so suspension of disbelief is in FULL FORCE for this one!

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Junk Food Nation: I am the first to admit that my diet consists of pretty much what this youngster eats (regular coke included), but by no means is it a healthy feast. Today’s Kevin McCallister would most likely be noshing on gluten free snacks, sugar free juice & natural chips. Back in the 1990s, few spoke up about healthy meals, lunches and snacks!

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Mom, What’s a Pay Phone: We are definitely a more connected society these days. Quarters are no longer needed to chat and pay phones are a thing of the past. I still love this scene and how Kate McCallister kicks the french gal to the curb.

Bonus: Now on to another subject — the traveling sartorialisms: I don’t even think people wore tights and heavy coats for holiday travel in the 1990s…(business traveling, absolutely). If this clan were to fly nowadays, you know yoga pants, hoodies and UGGS would be the looks du jour for a 13-hour flight to Paris.

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Faux Bandits: These guys were more like a pair of stooges than crooks! Though the pranks are hands down the best part of the movie, you know none of this would fly these days with state-of-art alarm systems. I mean, this is a million-dollar Georgian style home, so of course it would also most likely be equipped with digital fingerprinting and RFID technology.

Oh yeah and as for the appliances, don’t even get my started!

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Sure I’ll Share a Ride with Strangers: This whole scene always cracked me up, I mean from Dallas to Scranton? A little bit of airline trivia here, but American Airlines has a hub in Chicago, so there are most likely several flights to-and-from Paris (and many major airports) daily.

And who’d ever say yes to a bunch on polka superstars on a Budget truck? Oh, come on…yes, John Candy is delightful, but not as much as to run away with the band. Alas, loved seeing this beloved man on Home Alone since he is such a John Hughes films fixture (Uncle Buck and Planes, Trains & Automobiles are also part of his acting repertoire.)

I could go on and on, since I’ve seen it about 735 times, but I don’t want to bore you with more analysis. One last thing — the McCallisters will forever be part of my holiday tradition as they always manage to bring a smile, as Columbus and Hughes know a thing or two about unforgettable characters.

After all, Hughes is the man responsible for bringing Jake Ryan, Sam Baker, Long Duk Dong and Duckie to life.

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals…

Ryzenberg On, is Signing Off

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